I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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