pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
