in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
