Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
