You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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