Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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