Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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