I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
