i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
