Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
