Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
