I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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