wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am available for nakedness
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
