Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
