Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
this is an emotional support booty call
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
