is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
