In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
