I am spending my child support on dildos
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
