well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
