i just had sex bonerless
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
