Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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