there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
