Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
