Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All the doctor said was why
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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