omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
