Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
