Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize