why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
