Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
