you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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