Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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