whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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