Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jerry, you need to find god
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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