i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
