Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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