wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
