remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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