yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
