dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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