so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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