That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
