Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
