I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
