Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
