you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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