I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
