I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
