I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
