i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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