I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
