i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have so much sex to catch up on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
