its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
