Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
