I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
