Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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