literally had 100 drinks last night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
