Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
