I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize