Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
