i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
