Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
