i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
