When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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