Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
