im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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