we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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