i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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