There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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