Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
