YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
