In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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