yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he tried to convert me to islam
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
