Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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