a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
