then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
