the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
