If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
