When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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