Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
