Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would fuck him just for his dog
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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