Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
