I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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