Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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