the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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